I saw the shitshow and felt so bad for you. I can't understand how the woman who wrote the original tweet about "ethically sourced" children didn't read that to herself and think about what she was saying. IMHO most of the bad stuff about adoption is right out in the open like that and the primary job of adoptees is to pretend it's not true so adoption can continue.
Thanks, Donna. I really appreciate your support and voice! I thiiiiiiiink the shitshow is dying down and I'll be ready to rumble again sometime in the future.
Recent conversations with non-adoptees/kept folks makes me think that the sense of unwitting complicity really *does* get in the way of understanding...
No one wants to be in the wrong!
How do we reduce the knee-jerk reactivity that Adoption criticism elicits? (Still pondering this...)
Thanks again for raising awareness bit by bit, Lisa. I, too, am hopeful that when We know better, We’ll
Thanks for your bravery in writing this. I'm sorry about the comments, the internet is a wild and terrible place, I will say all this writing and tiktoking and baring our souls and pain is having an effect. People not on the internet, in like meat world, seem just a bit less pro adoption. It's certainly changed in therapy world, where adoption now seems to be accepted as a form of trauma. Even that's monumental change from our childhoods, no?
Thanks Lisa. In my work I discuss the concept of "intergenerational erasure" and how family/community separation frustrates marginalized people's efforts to achieve liberation from oppression: there's no next generation to agitate for a better future. I wonder whether this, in light of your claim that adoption is inherently political (which I agree with), is something you find sympathetic.
I completely agree with all you say. Thank you for saying it, and I’m really sorry you were faced with such ugly-heartedness in the responses. I have gladly waded in to defend you and your tweet.
I think many people enjoy believing in the Virgin/Whore dichotomy regarding women. The Christian religion provides the moralistic framework and language that entirely supports adoption. Bad women (unmarried, poor, sluts, should’ve kept their legs closed) have babies which good women (what an angel, a saving grace, a godsend) then save.
Asking people to think differently about women, about children, about adoption means they can’t just slump back into their last, easy assumptions. They don’t like that.
Lisa, I am away from good internet access and missed the Twitter storm. I am so sorry you were attacked. What you are writing is important. So important! Plenary adoption is an unaddressed human rights violation that we somehow celebrate as a society. I wish that you hadn't taken the brunt of the anger but I hope that because you spoke out, the people who had the knee-jerk reaction will begin to notice other voices that are critical of adoption and in time, their views may change. You are shaking out the blanket and getting caught in the resulting dust storm, but the blanket must be shaken. In the time that they dumped on you, how many children and parents were separated forever? (Like my daughter and I were.) How many people engaged their lawyer to fight the rights of a father who didn't sign the putative father registry in time? How many mothers signed a consent to relinquish their rights because they could not afford to keep their child? How many hopeful adoptive parents put out ads on the internet displaying all they could offer someone's baby -- a house, pets, vacations in Europe? Or wrote a Dear "Birth Mother" letter? This must be recognized as predatory behavior. The people most likely to bring about change are the people who have lived experience. Thank you for your work.
Thank you for writing this! That comment section is *wild*. I’m glad you muted it for your sake. Lots of feathers ruffled ... that need to be ruffled from my perspective. Hopefully it’s step one (or any early step) on the path for many to chilling out, listening, learning, growing, and participating in systems change.
Questions:
It is ok for me to link your work here in Substack to other platforms?
And do you feel it’s reasonable for me to assume that’s ok generally speaking unless writers here specifically request otherwise?
I’m trying to discern general social media expectations as well platform specific ones, and in my case, staying in my ap-lane.
Hi Jennifer, thanks so much for reading. My god, I never imagined that the comments would get THAT BAD. Lord. Thanks so much for your kind words. I'm happy for you to share my work where you think it will do good in the world. I personally feel like posts like these on the internet are made to be shared, but as always YMMV. Thanks for your support.
I was thinking of sharing too, but that whole thread (and its offshoots) was a cesspool of assholes being horrible to you, me, and several others. I don't want to bring more of that abuse upon you. I think one of the worst trolls is still at it as I'm typing this. Jennifer was amazing with her responses to that twisted little harpy.
I really appreciate your essays on this subject. I feel that I lost quite a few “friends” on FB when I shared my thoughts on adoption but at a certain point especially in an environment where where have Supreme Court members forcing pregnancy on women so that there will be an inventory of children for adoption, we all have to speak up. We also have to speak up for the pain that adoption causes all parties.
Thank you for this! Since you have experience in Guatemala, have you heard of the Estamos Aqui collective? They are adoptees, stolen out of Guatemala during the conflict and have recently become organised to look for their families.
Thank you Lisa for shining light on this very important subject. It is so hard for people to understand, but you are leading the way. You are so appreciated. Don’t stop, don’t ever stop!
I saw the shitshow and felt so bad for you. I can't understand how the woman who wrote the original tweet about "ethically sourced" children didn't read that to herself and think about what she was saying. IMHO most of the bad stuff about adoption is right out in the open like that and the primary job of adoptees is to pretend it's not true so adoption can continue.
Thanks, Donna. I really appreciate your support and voice! I thiiiiiiiink the shitshow is dying down and I'll be ready to rumble again sometime in the future.
Also, screw Becky with the Good Hair and her righteousness.
Literal LOLLLLLLL. Thanks, I giggled. :D
Another great piece of writing, thank you, Lisa!
Recent conversations with non-adoptees/kept folks makes me think that the sense of unwitting complicity really *does* get in the way of understanding...
No one wants to be in the wrong!
How do we reduce the knee-jerk reactivity that Adoption criticism elicits? (Still pondering this...)
Thanks again for raising awareness bit by bit, Lisa. I, too, am hopeful that when We know better, We’ll
do better ✨
Thanks for your bravery in writing this. I'm sorry about the comments, the internet is a wild and terrible place, I will say all this writing and tiktoking and baring our souls and pain is having an effect. People not on the internet, in like meat world, seem just a bit less pro adoption. It's certainly changed in therapy world, where adoption now seems to be accepted as a form of trauma. Even that's monumental change from our childhoods, no?
Thanks Lisa. In my work I discuss the concept of "intergenerational erasure" and how family/community separation frustrates marginalized people's efforts to achieve liberation from oppression: there's no next generation to agitate for a better future. I wonder whether this, in light of your claim that adoption is inherently political (which I agree with), is something you find sympathetic.
I completely agree with all you say. Thank you for saying it, and I’m really sorry you were faced with such ugly-heartedness in the responses. I have gladly waded in to defend you and your tweet.
I think many people enjoy believing in the Virgin/Whore dichotomy regarding women. The Christian religion provides the moralistic framework and language that entirely supports adoption. Bad women (unmarried, poor, sluts, should’ve kept their legs closed) have babies which good women (what an angel, a saving grace, a godsend) then save.
Asking people to think differently about women, about children, about adoption means they can’t just slump back into their last, easy assumptions. They don’t like that.
Lazy, not ‘last’ 🙄
Lisa, I am away from good internet access and missed the Twitter storm. I am so sorry you were attacked. What you are writing is important. So important! Plenary adoption is an unaddressed human rights violation that we somehow celebrate as a society. I wish that you hadn't taken the brunt of the anger but I hope that because you spoke out, the people who had the knee-jerk reaction will begin to notice other voices that are critical of adoption and in time, their views may change. You are shaking out the blanket and getting caught in the resulting dust storm, but the blanket must be shaken. In the time that they dumped on you, how many children and parents were separated forever? (Like my daughter and I were.) How many people engaged their lawyer to fight the rights of a father who didn't sign the putative father registry in time? How many mothers signed a consent to relinquish their rights because they could not afford to keep their child? How many hopeful adoptive parents put out ads on the internet displaying all they could offer someone's baby -- a house, pets, vacations in Europe? Or wrote a Dear "Birth Mother" letter? This must be recognized as predatory behavior. The people most likely to bring about change are the people who have lived experience. Thank you for your work.
Once again, you nailed it! Thank you for writing this and for advocating for change.
Thank you for writing this! That comment section is *wild*. I’m glad you muted it for your sake. Lots of feathers ruffled ... that need to be ruffled from my perspective. Hopefully it’s step one (or any early step) on the path for many to chilling out, listening, learning, growing, and participating in systems change.
Questions:
It is ok for me to link your work here in Substack to other platforms?
And do you feel it’s reasonable for me to assume that’s ok generally speaking unless writers here specifically request otherwise?
I’m trying to discern general social media expectations as well platform specific ones, and in my case, staying in my ap-lane.
~Jennifer Thibodeaux Sands
Hi Jennifer, thanks so much for reading. My god, I never imagined that the comments would get THAT BAD. Lord. Thanks so much for your kind words. I'm happy for you to share my work where you think it will do good in the world. I personally feel like posts like these on the internet are made to be shared, but as always YMMV. Thanks for your support.
I was thinking of sharing too, but that whole thread (and its offshoots) was a cesspool of assholes being horrible to you, me, and several others. I don't want to bring more of that abuse upon you. I think one of the worst trolls is still at it as I'm typing this. Jennifer was amazing with her responses to that twisted little harpy.
I really appreciate your essays on this subject. I feel that I lost quite a few “friends” on FB when I shared my thoughts on adoption but at a certain point especially in an environment where where have Supreme Court members forcing pregnancy on women so that there will be an inventory of children for adoption, we all have to speak up. We also have to speak up for the pain that adoption causes all parties.
Thank you for this! Since you have experience in Guatemala, have you heard of the Estamos Aqui collective? They are adoptees, stolen out of Guatemala during the conflict and have recently become organised to look for their families.
Thanks for spreading awareness. This should make people stop & think. The backlash & personal attacks on you are unacceptable.
Thank you Lisa for shining light on this very important subject. It is so hard for people to understand, but you are leading the way. You are so appreciated. Don’t stop, don’t ever stop!
Lisa, you write so beautifully, on top of excellent content. You are a powerful voice for us and I'm grateful for you!